


twenty-four little hours

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Daddy Robron, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, M/M, attempted suicide mentions, mental health, uplifting ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 22:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12945171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: some dates just shouldn't be allowed to coincide. your husband's birthday and the day you tried to kill yourself is the perfect example to give.





	twenty-four little hours

**Author's Note:**

> this is sad and angsty yet has an uplifting ending, hope you sort of see that.

 

Sometimes it only takes a comment, just one and Aaron isn't Aaron anymore.

Suddenly he's this shell of a man and he cannot pull himself out of it for nothing.

Not even for Robert, not even for their family.

 

::

 

It starts with a comment from a supplier, some traditional old man with his collar sticking up and then his nose too when he sees the picture of Robert and Aaron with Jacob and Annie.

His uncomfortableness almost radiates out of him and then he says:

"Adopted then?" In the most judgemental voice in the world.

It puts Aaron's back up instantly, like it always does and he frowns at the man. "No, surrogacy." He says and then the man is raising an eyebrow and smirking. "So you've got one of each then."

And he doesn't mean boy and girl, he means -

Robert's child and Aaron's.

It makes Aaron fucking fly off the handle and he's shoving the prick out the portacabin with such a force that the man nearly topples back.

It takes Aaron hours to stop shaking, and he's got his face into Robert's chest as he keeps blowing out short breaths.

Robert knows that Aaron thinks he's weak, that he's a fool for crying. "It's okay, he's just an _idiot_ Aaron." He whispers, "It's okay."

But he knows it isn't, because family is everything to Aaron, and hearing what he heard is only going to make him ache inside.

"He doesn't know shit about our family." Robert says and Aaron nods slowly, moving his head up and kissing at Robert's neck before leaving.

 

 

::

 

 

And that was the start of it.

It triggered everything else.

 

 

::

 

 

"Jacob, book, bag." Robert shouts from up the stairs and Jacob comes down slowly.

He's rubbing his eyes and Robert frowns at him as he walks towards him.

"Oi. What's up kiddo?" Robert says, kneeling like he always does.

Jacob looks away, bites his lip the way Aaron does when he is unsure or doesn't know what to do.

"Hey, come on mate." Robert says, "Big boys tell the truth." And Jacob looks at him then.

His thick black curly hair and blue eyes look all filled with worry and Robert pulls him onto his lap and smiles reassuringly.

"Daddy was crying in the shower."

And Robert feels his hands grow clammy.

"I heard him. Why is he sad?" And Jacob is so much like Aaron it hurts. He has all this worry and anxiety over other people's emotions and feelings and -

"I think he got the shower gel in his eyes." Robert says with a small smile and Jacob buys it, wraps his arms around Robert and tells him to make daddy smile.

He intends to.

Only Aaron doesn't want to speak to him and he knows it's about what happened the day before.

"Jacob heard you crying." Robert says heavily, places a hand on Aaron's shoulder and wishes for him to turn around and face him.

Aaron's so cold though. "I'm fine now."

"You weren't then." Robert says. "Was it because of -"

"Not the first time this week someone's been a twat alright?" And something _else_ has happened.

Robert winces, and everything hurts because Aaron is so comfortable in his sexuality and Robert is so glad of that. He's so proud of him, yet there's people capable of drawing him back into himself.

And he hates them.

"What happened?" Robert's asking and Aaron just stares at him, mouth open a little and then closing again because Annie's on the baby monitor and she's just woken up.

"I better go see to her." Aaron jumps at the chance to escape and Robert just wants to dry his tears and kiss his lips and tell him that no one can touch what they have.

No one.

 

 

::

 

 

"Where's my sorry excuse of a best mate?" Adam's asking as Robert steps into the portacabin and it makes him frown.

Because Aaron was meant to be here.

And Annie was meant to be with Vic.

And it's not like he's in the best place right now and -

His mind starts gushing with thoughts and he can't listen to them because he's backing out of the portacabin and calling Aaron over and over again.

He finds him though,

He's with Annie, her lilac pram visible from miles away.

And he's just staring at the garage. It's almost like he's frozen on the spot.

"Aaron?" Robert calls as he approaches him but he hardly flinches, it takes a hand on his shoulder for Aaron to turn.

"Sorry. Miles away." Aaron bites his lip and Robert can't hide how confused he is, how scared and -

"I've been ringing you." Robert says, hears Annie gurgle a little and presses a hand down on her chest, watches her eyes sparkle just for a second.

Aaron stares blankly before looking back at the garage, "Just wanted to show her where daddy used to work." He says and then he's shaking himself a little. "I want to go now." He's almost adamant and Robert just nods slowly.

 

 

::

 

 

He doesn't know what's going on, just knows that Aaron's distant and sad and not hiding some birthday surprise for him at all.

He feels like a twat for even thinking about his birthday tomorrow but he can't seem to help it.

"Love you." Robert mumbles into Aaron's chest as the darkness pours into the room and Aaron pulls the covers over them.

Aaron hears it, Robert knows that. And he says it back, only the words seem stuck in his throat and Robert tries to forget how jagged it sounds.

 

 

::

 

 

He half expects to be woken up with kisses down his back, it's what Aaron does every year when Robert turns even older than he is.

Only Aaron's dead to the world and Robert just smiles at him lovingly, kicks the covers off and goes downstairs.

Jacob's not really old enough yet to remember what day it is and it makes Robert smile as he teases him.

"It's a special day for me and you don't even _know_." Robert gasps playfully, watches Jacob try and think, sees it across his face as he rocks Annie.

She's had a good night and it's a best present he could receive if he's being honest.

"You think more about it whilst I go and get your dad up." Robert tells him and he knows, he just _knows_ something is wrong as he climbs the stairs.

And then he's opening the door and Aaron's not moved. The curtains are drawn and he's -

He's in the exact same position.

Robert gulps down his worry and shakes out a smile. "Oi, get up sleepy bones." He hurries out, and when Aaron ignores him something black pours over his heart and won't stop. "Aaron?" He's saying, praying he's just asleep.

Please just be asleep. Don't just be laying there. Don't just be -

He skirts around the bed, has a hand behind his back as he crosses his fingers like a kid and Annie gurgles on his arm.

Aaron's just laying there, small and fragile and there's tears falling down his face. He looks almost broken, like someone's taken him so far away and Robert can't reach him.

Not for anything.

He's just so still. So vacant.

And Robert knows that he's shut down completely.

"Aaron?" He says, this time lower, more soft, more _scared_. He gulps down something hard and then he's walking towards Annie's cot, settling her inside quietly and calling for Jacob to start getting ready for school. He hears him climb the stairs, can see him from across the hall playing in his room instead of doing what he's been asked but Robert doesn't seem to care.

Because he's okay, he's happy and Aaron - Aaron isn't?

"Baby." It slips out, feels odd on his tongue but it's always managed to make Aaron pull a face and smile and laugh. This time it doesn't. This time Robert's crouching down next to him and he feels the space between them draw apart.

Aaron's just staring into thin air. Almost looking _past_ Robert, _past_ the window, _past_ the village.

"Tell me what to do. Tell me what's wrong." Robert scrunches up the sheets, white and transparent, and he can see the redness of his knuckles through them. Aaron just blinks, shakes his head like he just _can't_ and everything is so much worse. "Aaron," he tries to move towards him, fingers so close but the younger man flinches like he can't help it. "Okay okay, I won't touch you. But - please, please let me know you haven't hurt yourself."

Aaron winces, tears falling down his face and he makes himself even smaller as he shakes his head.

"Aaron, please let -"

"Daddy!" It cuts through the heaviness of the room and Jacob's standing there with his school jumper on the wrong way round. Robert tries to smile at him, gathers to his feet and then he's looking down at Aaron.

"Two seconds." He says, a hurry of emotion flying though him as he speaks.

He doesn't have the time to stop and think.

(Desperately doesn't want to break.)

 

 

::

 

 

He ends up calling Vic, babbles down the phone about her needing to come right now.

"Oi birthday boy, if I'm taking Jakey to school because you and your husband want extra time in _bed_ then -"

"He won't get up." Robert's blurting out, tears swimming against his eyes over and over again. "He's just _laying_ there and - and -"

Vic's mouth falls open and Adam's getting out of the car, coming towards them both and frowning.

"What's this?" Adam's asking, and Robert blows out a slow breath.

He can't handle this. He doesn't know what to do when Aaron's like _this_.

"Has anything happened?" Robert's desperate and Adam's his best mate and he must know something because -

"Why? Is - is Aaron alright?" Adam's back is up and Robert drags him into the corner because Jacob's just blindly up at them and Vic can't seem to settle little Annie. It's like she _knows_ something is wrong too.

"He just won't move." Robert chews on his gum as Adam's face falls. "He's just laying there, he's just -"

Adam pulls a hand over his mouth and Robert frowns.

"Do you know something?"

Robert's eyes flicker as Adam nods his head slowly.

"Tell me." He weighs in.

"We were chatting yesterday, we were talking about how far we'd come since we were kids. He was talking about - about him coming out and -" he gulps hard, and then Vic is coming towards him.

"About him being in such a bad place." Adam looks like he wants to be sick, and Robert pales a little.

"What does that have to do with _today_? He was - he was fine last night." But he wasn't was he? _He could barely say he loved you._

Adam winces suddenly, like something has just clicked in his mind and he gulps. "It was today." He says and Robert just stares blankly at him as Vic pulls a hand over her mouth and stops rocking Annie.

 

 

::

 

 

He knocks on his own bedroom door, and Aaron's still in the same position as he was before.

Robert walks towards him slowly and feels this crushing weight hit his chest out of nowhere because Aaron's looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes.

"Hey." Robert whispers, and he's kneeling by the bed now, head tilted a little and tears in his eyes. "We don't need to speak about it." He assures Aaron, a hand pressed our flat on the bed as he speaks. Aaron doesn't flinch this time, just stares down at his hand and sniffs.

There's tears down his face, they're leaving marks and Robert wants to wipe them all away.

"It's alright. I'm here. You're here. You're - you're at home and the kids love you. We _love_ you." Robert whispers, can't help the way he touches Aaron's hand and Aaron shudders before pressing his face against it.

The touch is so soft that Robert nearly melts into it, can't help but slide underneath the covers and stare at Aaron.

"I know what today is." Robert says, and Aaron stiffens. "I'm so sorry baby." He whispers, "I - I didn't know that -"

And Aaron jumps up, wipes at his face and backs towards the door.

"Aaron." Robert says, tries to reach out but Aaron's slamming the door to their en-suite shut and -

It's so dark in the room, and Robert tries not to cry.

 

 

::

 

 

He can't hear anything, strained ear trying to listen out for anything, anything at all and when he hears the scrap of something he's pounding down the door.

Because if Aaron's doing something daft then -

"I'll fucking break this door down Aaron - you know I will if you don't -"

The door swings open and Aaron's standing there shaking. His hair is a mass of curls, and his face is red, puffy.

Robert's eyes are wide and he moves his chest up and down quickly. "Aaron -"

"I nearly killed myself." Aaron's face is torn, like he's being ripped apart inside. "I - I nearly _killed_ myself Rob."

And then he's breaking into this _mess_ , he's literally collapsing towards the floor and Robert catches him like always.

"It's okay, it's - it's going to be okay." He whispers, keeps kissing at Aaron's hair.

Aaron shudders out a breath and he's clinging onto Robert for dear life. "I wouldn't have met you. I would have been - been six feet under." He says, and then he makes this awful sound. "Oh _God_ , Annie and Jacob wouldn't have even been born and -"

He's in such a state, keeps clinging onto Robert and apologising over and over again.

"You don't have to apologise. It's -" he's lost for words, has tears falling down his face as he tries his best to think of something worthwhile to say. He goes with asking what's happened, why he's reacted so badly to it today.

Aaron shrugs. "Never thought about it. Never sat and thought about how much I wanted to be dead. And then,” He sighs," He mumbles. "That guy the other day made me - I was thinking about how I used to hate myself like he hated us and -" he can't carry on and that's okay.

Because Robert gently pulls him up, carries him almost towards the bed again and falls back as they lay down.

Aaron's calmer now, he's not panicking, not crying either.

"I love you." Robert mumbles into Aaron's hair whilst combing through it. "I'm here." He says.

"The kids?" Aaron's almost jumping up, and Robert grounds him.

"Vic took Jacob to school, she's watching Annie. It's fine." Robert says, and Aaron shudders. "Talk to me." Robert pleads with him.

And Aaron doesn't refuse.

"'Remember the smoke. It was everywhere." Aaron whispers, "I remember how at peace I was. Never felt anything like that. So - so _done_ with everything and everyone. And I had - had no idea what was waiting for me." He says, and Robert's heart skips.

"You were in a bad place."

"I wanted to _die_." Aaron almost cringes in Robert's arms. "That _feeling_ , I don't think I'll ever ever forget it." He whispers and Robert hates that the most.

He hates how Aaron has this darkness within him that won't ever go away. He hates that they don't speak it at all until Aaron's having a breakdown and everything is just too much.

"You need to go to counselling again Aaron." Because he's stopped, he hasn't been going and -

Aaron agrees, nods a little and then he's looking up at Robert. "You should take the kids and run." He says, almost looks dead serious and Robert's horrified. "I'm a mess." He says.

"Don't you ever say that again." Robert stresses. "You're -"

"Are you scared of me?" Aaron whispers. "I heard you, when you were banging the door down, did you think I'd -" he drops his head. "I heard the scare in your fucking voice and -"

"I'm not scared of daddy fluffy am I?" Robert's eyes water and Aaron nearly smiles, presses his face against Robert's chest. "I've got you, I have you okay?" He whispers, and Aaron's breathing slows.

"It's just this day." Aaron says after a few minutes. "22nd of -"

And Robert watches the penny drop, watches Aaron bring his hands up towards his mouth and look like someone's just _kicked_ him in the gut.

"It's your - it's your fucking birthday. It's - Robert it's your _birthday_." His voice breaks and Robert doesn't want him in this much of a state over him.

"Doesn't matter." Robert shrugs out. "It's just a day." He whispers. "And - if I had known that - that _today_ was the day you -" he can't find the words. "I'm sorry."

And Aaron's got his hands over Robert's face. "I forgot your -" he blows out a breath, looks devastated. "I was too busy thinking about my fucking self and I -"

Robert grips his hands and makes Aaron look at him. "Please don't worry about it." He pleads and Aaron swallows down something, shuffles into Robert's arms and somehow they manage to sleep.

 

 

::

 

 

When Robert opens his eyes, Aaron's not in his arms anymore and his heart _drops_.

He's calling his name, jumping from the bed and then stopping dead as he sees Aaron standing in the hallway.

Jacob's by his leg, and he's carrying a small cupcake.

"Back inside!" Jacob's insisting, pushing at Robert's feet until he's on the bed.

Aaron looks better, his face is clearer and he's wearing a genuine smile.

And he sings Robert happy birthday, gives him presents that Robert knows he must have wrapped days before.

It's nearly six o'clock and the day is almost over, but Aaron, he's pulled himself back for this.

And he's still the bravest person Robert's ever ever known.

 

 

::

 

 

"It's your actual _birthday_!" Jacob bounces on Robert's knee and Robert laughs a little.

"Yes buddy, got there in the end." He taps his head lovingly and feels Aaron watching from his side of the bed.

He looks content, Annie rocking in his arms back and forth and gurgling away.

"You're so good with her." Robert thinks out loud and Aaron freezes a little. "I mean it." He says, won't take it back, won't lie.

Aaron sniffs, and then he's leaning over and kissing Robert on the lips delicately. "I love you so much." He breathes out and Robert nuzzles their noses together, feels all this _love_ pour of him.

He's thinking of Adam and Vic and how relieved they were that Aaron offloaded. He's thinking of Jacob coming home from school to a happier house.

"And I love you." Robert whispers, "And don't tell me I shouldn't." He says, almost reads Aaron's mind and the younger man blushes a little.

"I'm sorry for hiding." Aaron says so innocently. "Hate hiding from you, hate making you cry." He whispers, and Robert looks away for a second, wasn't aware that Aaron heard him.

Robert licks his lips a little and edges even closer towards Aaron. "I know it's hard. I know that - that all of _that_ is so hard to think about." He says and then looks down at Annie staring up at them and smiling. "But look what you have now. Look how far you've come and - not how bad it was back then."

Aaron looks at him like he's the whole world and Jacob's already got bored of the lack of attention he's getting, running around the room now instead.

"I lived." Aaron whispers, tears falling down his face.

Robert nods. "You lived." He says with a soft voice and hands falling over Aaron's face. "The _bravest_ best husband in the world."

Aaron shudders. "Sounds like the card I wrote you." He says. "World's _best_ husband." He whispers.

Robert pulls a face. "Don't know about that."

"Good thing I do then." Aaron whispers, his lips against Robert's. "And I'll prove it. Me and you on Saturday are going anywhere you want I promise."

"You don't need to do that." Robert tells him.

"I want to."

"Because you ruined today?" And Aaron looks away. "You didn't. You - it's not your fault."

"I'm messed up." Aaron shrugs. "Can't keep doing this though, pushing you away, blocking the person I love most in the whole world out just because my mind can't handle any other emotions or -" he's getting anxious again and Robert slowly pets at Annie's hair.

"You don't have to explain."

"You're my husband of course I do." Aaron snaps. "You're my _husband_ and you make me _so_ happy. But sometimes - this darkness, it won't leave me alone. It won't let me be happy even on your _birthday_ and I can't - can't control that but I'm so sorry."

"You don't apologise." Robert says. "You don't try and 'fix yourself' either okay. You just get better for yourself, you get better for our babies and for -"

"You. For our marriage." Aaron whispers. "Because you deserve -"

"You." Robert says. "I finally think that's true so don't go and tell me I don't." He laughs out and Aaron just stares at him.

"Happy birthday beautiful." And it's almost so unlike Aaron that it grabs at Robert's heart and won't let go.

 

 

::

 

 

"Robert?" Aaron's voice is croaky as he speaks, face pressed against Robert's chest.

Robert hums out a reply, keeps the hold in Aaron's as tight as possible.

"Heidi can fit me in tomorrow." He whispers and Robert's shoulders relax.

He turns around and kisses Aaron. "It'll help." He whispers.

Aaron nods slowly. "Don't know what I'll say." He says, and he thinks about it for a few seconds as Robert rubs at his back gently.

"You'll find the right words." Robert assures him, eyes growing heavy as he hears Aaron say:

"Thank you, you didn't leave. You never will, will ya?"

And he shakes his head. "Never." He stresses, kisses Aaron's hand.

The silence creeps over them as they both draw back into sleep, and then Aaron's calling Robert's name again.

"I'll tell her about you, about how you hate yoghurt, except the ones with the chocolate pieces in the corner."

Robert smiles. "They're the best." He mumbles.

"I'll tell her about Jacob and his fascination with dinosaurs, how Annie smiles at us all the time now." He gulps heavily and then presses a kiss to Robert's neck and makes him shudder. "I'll tell her I'm _loved_ and it feels so good."

Robert blinks slowly and smiles through his closed eyes.

"I'll tell her I didn't nearly die that day. Just got the chance to live. I'll tell her I lived, got to spend the day years and years later giving my _husband_ presents for his birthday. _I_ got that. _Me_."

And the pride Robert can hear in Aaron's voice, well, it's better than the silver chain and the sports car racing day out, it's the best present Robert could have asked for.

And they're going to be okay.

They really are.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought if you have time, i was so nervous about posting this but hope it went okay for you reading. <3


End file.
